More like him

Let me give you two scenarios.

Julia is at a dance competition. Her group gets up on stage and Julia makes a silly mistake. She turns to the right and the entire group turns to the left. The teacher is really frustrated because it's an important competition for her and she's been working so hard with this group of girls. After the kids get off the stage, the dance teacher goes up to my 8-year-old little girl and in front of her dance team, other dance studios, parents and audience yells, "Is that how I teach you?!?! To turn to the right instead of the left?!?! My preschoolers wouldn't make that kind of mistake!!!"

Thoughts. First of all, you would probably think the teacher was a "bitch". And you would probably think "Really? It's just dancing. Isn't it supposed to be fun?" And you would probably think "That woman needs to get a life".

So did that really happen? Of course not!!! And if it did? I would have spoken to the dance teacher about it and promptly found my daughter a new dance school.

This brings me to scenario number two.

Nicholas, who is 9-years-old, is playing in his All Star baseball team playoff game. His team is starting to get killed by the other team. He's in the outfield and a ball comes to him. He scoops it up nicely and throws the ball to first base. I'm cheering because it is a beautiful throw!! Right after that play, the coach yells loudly at Nicholas, "Hey Nick!! Is that how I coach you?!?! To throw the ball to first instead of third?!?!" Silence. You could hear a pin drop. Right after that, he called the boys in and gets them in a circle. He says very loudly, looking straight at Nicholas, "Even my preschool t-ball team wouldn't have made THAT mistake!"

So did this really happen? Yes it did. And did anyone say anything to the coach? Of course not! Because he's the baseball coach and the baseball coach is always right.

Nicholas has said how he gets anxious when he's in the outfield and the ball comes to him. He gets the ball and sometimes doesn't know where to throw it. Everyone is yelling at him..."Throw it!!! Throw the ball!!!"

I understand correcting mistakes. I understand positive reinforcement. What I don't understand is yelling at a 9-year-old little boy in front of his whole team, opposing team, coaches, parents and bleachers full of people. Really??? I know my boy. I know every single thing about him. I know his facial expressions. I know his body language. I saw how his face changed. I saw how his body slumped slightly. I could feel how he was feeling. And I know how I was feeling. For an instant, I felt like I was going to cry. Then all I felt was anger. My parental instinct kicked in. How dare this man yell at my child in front of everyone, in the middle of the game, and embarrass him like that over a simple mistake...at a GAME of baseball that is supposed to be FUN. At a GAME he is supposed to be learning. It made me so angry. It made me feel disgusted. It made me feel embarrassed to be part of it. He is MY son. I don't want other people making him feel bad about himself. I understand correcting bad behavior. I get that. But when teachers at school over punish (like Chisholm) or call him an idiot (like Bertino) or yell at him over a mistake (like Rajotte), my motherly lion instinct kicks in. How dare they pick on MY child. He's mine. Not theirs to knock down.

But you know what the most wonderful thing is about my boy? He's innate ability to forgive. He can shake off all those negative things in seconds and is so quick to smile and love again. My boy is so filled with love. It just bursts out of him. He tells me over and over again how much he loves me. He reaches over to hold my hand and give hugs so freely. And I knew that within minutes of that bashing at the ballgame, it was gone from his brain. He had moved on.

After the game we went for an ice cream. While sipping on his mint chocolate chip milk shake (well deserved I might add) he declared, "I love baseball. It's my favorite. Even more than hockey." See? All was forgotten in his mind...but not mine. I want to be more like him.