I keep my favorite picture of Lucky with some of his things on my kitchen counter. They bring me comfort. I am anxiously awaiting his ashes too. I will feel much better when he is back home with us.I can't believe how much of my day was spent looking after him. I never even realized it. I feel such loss not having him to look after, holding him and the comfort he provided me. He was such a huge part of my life for the past 12 years. He would wake us up most mornings very, very early looking for his treats and to go outside. Throughout the day I was always checking on him to be sure he was around and safe, especially if he was outside. In the summertime, he loved drinking out of our pool and even fell in once. Thank goodness he got out that time. It was funny though seeing him soaking wet. I miss the time spent feeding him, changing his water, making sure the kids weren't bothering him, making sure the shades and curtains were open so he could look out the windows or lay in the sun, checking to see if he wanted to come in the house especially when it was cold outside, making sure the basement door was open in the winter months in case he needed his litter box or that he wasn't accidentally locked downstairs, and most importantly, making sure he was in the house before it got dark at night so he wouldn't get hurt.
The evenings are the worst for me. That's when he would finally let us pat him. During the day he was so aloof but not at night. He loved to lay on our laps after the kids went to bed and when he was feeling good, he would follow us upstairs to sleep with us on our bed. He would lay right on my chest and then as the night went on he would end up wedged between our legs for warmth and comfort.
His favorite spot on the living room ottoman looking out the window is now empty. At night we would always pull the blind only 3/4 of the way down so he could look out the window at night. I've cried each night now when it gets dark, not having the heart to pull the shade down all the way. And I still leave the basement door ajar like always. The spot on the kitchen floor where his water dish and food were is now empty. All reminders...
He was such a huge part of our lives....my life. It really hurts right now. I wish it were two weeks from now so it wouldn't hurt so much. I know it will get better but right now I'm just really sad and miss him terribly.
I love you and miss you my sweet boy.
