Strive for Peace

Depression - when the mind is trapped in the past

Stress - when the mind is overloaded by the present

Anxiety - when the mind is worrying about the future

Peace -when the mind lives fully in the present

Blastoff

Blastoff is such a fun night! It's the start to the basketball season. The dance team performs a few routines. This one is my favorite! Gianna looks amazing! It's so her style. 

And the second routine of the night...

Senior Day

Yesterday was Gianna's very last football game at Endicott. These three seasons with her on the dance team have flown by. I've loved watching her on the sidelines and in the halftime performances! We still have basketball season though which is always fun to watch too. 

Our very talented and beautiful senior...

Unfortunately, the weather wasn't great yesterday. It was rainy and chilly, but they made the best of it...

Julia & Ava...

The cutest roommates...

Sideline & Halftime performance...

And you were amazing!! Always so proud of you! Love you so much Gianna : ) 

Fall

Not much is bringing me joy these days except perhaps this beautiful season of Fall. The colors and the cooler weather truly make me happy. I've been taking walks almost daily to just soak it all in. 

Now having said that, it's been a little rainy and humid these past few days. But that's OK because I know the sunshine and cooler weather will be back soon. 

So on this drizzly morning, let's enjoy this video. This was taken two years ago while sitting on the back porch of my childhood home on one of the most beautiful of Fall days...

One long week

It's been one long week without you, Koko. I took exceptional care of you for 17 long years...especially these last few months. Every morning I would come downstairs and give you lots of yummy treats. Then I'd scoop you up to give you a big morning hug and tell you that "today is a good day to have a good day". I'd give you a nice long relaxing brush to help wake you up, wash your little face and clean up your eyes so you could see better. Then I'd pick you up again to give you lots of kisses. 

We were constant loving companions...you and me. No one will ever understand that bond unless they've had one with their pet. Seventeen years. That's a very long time to be together...and now you're gone...

I know it was your time...but I'm so incredibly sorry for how it ended. There are literally no words to express that enough. I will carry that tremendous weight of guilt and regret with me forever. I love you my mamas.  

KoKo my constant companion

My sweet boy...10/24...and now he's gone. I'm hoping my Mom scooped him up right away and is keeping him safe with her until I get there. 

Losing two cats in the span of nine months has been deeply traumatic for me. Koko and Mikey were the loves of my life and just like children to me. I've been taking care of Koko for 17 of his 18 years. He was my constant companion and to not have him next to me after 17 long years is truly so incredibly painful. 

I will do a post to honor my boy when I'm up to it. But for now I will just say this...

I will never...ever...forgive myself for not making the right decision of letting him go before he went through the painful process of dying on his own. I will carry that guilt with me until the day I die. I made the decision to not spare him pain and discomfort just because I couldn't bear to let him go. Each day I would consider it and then I would somehow justify it in my mind that he was OK because he was still eating a little bit, drinking and using the litter box. He was still interacting with me too. Although it was very clear that he was failing each day. Then I also made the poor decision to leave the house for a while (over an hour away...so stupid) even when I knew of the weakened condition he was in. I wasn't even here when he passed. Missed it by 10 stupid minutes. I didn't make it home in time even though I left the minute I knew he wasn't doing well. He wasn't alone...thank God...at least I made sure someone was home...but still...I wasn't by his side at the end. His Mama. His person. I made extremely poor selfish decisions and will live with deep regret for the rest of my life...knowing I made him suffer at the end of his life. 

Koko, Mama loves you for eternity. 

It will be OK

Our family has had a very rough week. I just keep saying this on repeat...

Unconditional