My Dad has let me know so many times in many different ways that he is still with me. So much so that I know with my whole being...without question...that our souls do leave our bodies and they do carry on. This I know for sure.
So this brings me to my Mom. Why haven't I felt her at all since she's been gone? No signs...no dreams...no nothing. It saddens me to the core because we were so close. I know how much she loved me.
The other day I had a long conversation with my sister about this. She has her theories and I have mine. She says she feels my Mom around her. So why her and not me?
Then the strangest things started to happen that day and the days that followed that conversation. These numbers started grabbing my attention every time I glanced at my phone or the clock in the car or on signs...
and then I saw this on Instagram...
A local artist I know posted this painting of sandpipers. She is doing daily paintings until Thanksgiving and she chose that very day to do sandpipers. She said "every time I see sandpipers on the shore it delights me".
My Mom and I had a thing about sandpipers...
She gave me that picture as a gift years ago after I read her a story about sandpipers. It was such a special and touching story that made us both cry. On the back she wrote "sandpipers to bring you joy." Oddly, what the artist wrote on her Instagram post is very similar to what my Mom wrote to me. My Mom's picture has been sitting on my fireplace mantle since she passed so that I can see it everyday.
Coincidence??
Then later that day I went to a Christening and right across the street from the church I saw this...
My Mom's name is Shirley. What even made me look over at that street sign? I don't typically notice street signs unless I need to.
Lastly, my neighbor posted the picture and poem below just randomly on her Facebook page about missing her mom who passed away a few years ago too. This was the morning after my conversation with my sister. I commented that I was just talking about the same thing with my sister and how it was so crazy I was seeing her post the morning after. She said "It wasn't on accident I'm sure. Our moms still take care of us somehow".
OK maybe I'm reaching? Or maybe it's my Mom trying to tell me she is with me by sending me these subtle signs? Whatever it is, it has brought me some comfort regardless. Perhaps she's just a lot more subtle than my Dad. She has given my other sister a few funny signs that she is around (plastic bag & John Denver music) which is so her. She was very silly and loved to make others laugh.
Like my sister said..."just like in life, you've got to call her first". So...very...true.
Nothing in life will ever prepare you for the heartbreaking, gut wrenching, soul tearing loss of a loved one. Nothing.
You just learn to live with it somehow.
The Loss Of a Mother
Is an
inevitable part of our life.
We
know it will come around
and
we know the day will hurt
but
we are not prepared,
never
prepared
for
the tearing.
The
tearing of a part of our soul
from
its very seams
stitches
pulled asunder
heart
wrenched in half
soul
split in two.
But
that tearing is not what you may think.
It is not her leaving you.
It is
the loss of her physical form
which
you have been so very used and attached to.
And
now she must remove that part for it no longer serves you
and
you no longer need it
despite
what you may think.
Because
she made you well
and
she built all of her love into you cell by cell
thought
by thought
lesson
by lesson.
And
the split that you feel
is
simply the new way
you
will carry on your love
for
your mother
and with
your mother
just
in a different way.
For
she did not leave.
Mothers
cannot leave.
They
are in you.
Look
inside.
She’s
there.
And
that is unable to be taken
now that is all yours to keep.
For evermore
I love you Mama
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