This past weekend was our second dance competition. I've been doing these dance competitions with my girls for 13 years! I have so many mixed emotions hitting me all at once.
Yesterday we arrived to the competition late morning and had pulled the heavy oversized rack and roll with the large silver make up case balancing on top into the overcrowded dressing room. We zigzagged our way to the far back corner of the room to set up near Gianna's teammates. As I was unzipping the bag and hanging up her costumes, I could hear solo music echoing from the competition room next door through the thin walls. It was one of the usual overused dramatic competition solo songs that pretty much everyone competes to. And it dawned on me. My time as a Dance Mom is quickly coming to an end. We only have one regional competition, recital day and nationals left. I had the urge to hit record on my phone to document that moment in time...
After we were all set up, I decided to go sit in the audience by myself to catch a few dances coming up from our studio. The next dance started and it was to the song Landslide. I immediately got a lump in my throat. Again, I hit record on my phone to document the moment...
That song hits so close to home for me these days. The lyrics "Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you. But time makes you bolder, even children get older and I'm getting older too." And bam...the tears swelled up in my eyes. As soon as the song ended, I quickly left the room and wondered around the insanely noisy and crowded casino in search of a quiet spot to sit and think. I found a lobby with a comfortable couch and warm sunshine pouring in from the floor to ceiling windows...
I looked way up high to the top window and watched the formations of the wispy clouds floating by. I got thinking about how my Mom loved doing scribble art. I stupidly had the song Landslide playing on my earbuds and was feeling so emotional thinking how the words of that song are just so relevant to my life right now. I have built my life around my children and now I need to find my own way again. I've been having so much anxiety over facing this next season of my life. It's so hard. And then I had the urge to listen to John Denver because I always do that when I think about my Mom. I found "The Eagle and the Hawk" on my phone. I quickly realized that also was a really bad idea as I was about to start bawling right there in the lobby. Ugh. So I decided it was time for some lunch.
I walked about 15 minutes to another part of the ridiculously large casino all the while grunting to myself about how much I despise crowds and all that noise. I can't relate to people who go to a casino on a beautiful day just for fun. I found a Subway and ordered a sandwich. I sat down by myself in a corner of the food court way out of the way of all the hustle and bustle. I popped my earbuds back in to listen to an audiobook when all of a sudden...what do I hear? John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High"!! Now this is Foxwoods Casino. I'm telling you...the music they had been blasting over the past two days was popular current music. How on earth did John Denver get into the rotation and at that very moment??? I'm certain it was my Mom sending me her love and comfort because she knew I needed it. I started to laugh and cry at the same time.
