We are
grateful to have the opportunity to celebrate the amazing human being who was
our mother, Shirley Joan Surette Smith, surrounded by the family and friends
she cherished most. We wish to extend our heartfelt gratitude to all who
supported us these past two months and comforted us this past week. We are eternally
grateful to Old Colony Hospice; they were truly angels in our time of need. We
would like to offer a special thank you to Anna Flowers
for connecting us to our spirituality on this special day. Thank you to
Fred Cahill, our brother, for the gift of you and your beautiful
artwork, in honor of Shirley today. And before we begin our tribute to Mom, we
would like to acknowledge the loves of our lives: our spouses, Dena, Paula,
Chieko and Danny, and Shirley’s beloved grandchildren, Tyler, Nicholas, Julia,
Justin, Zachary and Gianna. Nana loved you all with her all of her heart.
For Mom
There is
no love on this earth quite like a mother’s love. This morning, Kerry, Ricky,
Dini and I would like to share with you a little bit about the unique and
magnificent brand of our mother’s love.
But first,
we should rewind a bit, to the time before we were born. Mom was born to Evelyn
and Harry Surette on Catalpa Road and lived in Norwood all of her life. She
spent her childhood playing and roaming her Baker Street neighborhood on roller
skates with her best friend Thelma. Mom must have been a pretty rambunctious
girl, because the most repeated stories from her childhood had to do with a swing
set that led to her broken nose and a horse that led to her broken arm.
Mom moved
to the Washington Street house as a young teen and it has been the home of her
heart ever since. Her mother was loving and generous, and they were as close as
close could be. Mom always referred to her mother as the best friend of her
life. Second only to her mother was her dear friend Lorraine, and when Lorraine
moved in with the family, Mom was no longer an only child. It meant the world
to Mom to have a sister, and she and Lorraine cultivated a once-in-a-lifetime
friendship that lasted to this day. Mom’s dad was a photographer and a great adventurer.
He encouraged Mom to sit with her legs dangling over the bow of his boat while
he skimmed across the ocean waves at a pretty good clip. He was also probably
responsible for Mom’s fear of flying after he took her soaring above Norwood in
his private, 4-seat plane. He took Nana and the girls on many adventures to
Cape Cod and the coast of Maine
and bought Mom a convertible when she graduated from high school. So we
think it’s fair to say that Mom was pretty spoiled, mostly by love.
Mom met
and married our Dad, and after a brief stint on Cranmore Road, they moved to
our Nahatan Street home to raise us. This brings us back to the unique and
magnificent brand of our mother’s love.
As far back as we can remember, when we were very
small children, rather than criticize us for our mistakes, Mom showered us with
praise whenever she caught us doing something good. We were raised on this kind
of positive reinforcement all our lives. She taught us many things, but there
is no question that what she valued most was to teach her children to be kind and
compassionate human beings.
Growing
up, our house was filled with music and creativity. Mom was super fun and had
the best imagination ever. A rainy day was never boring in our house. Our
mother was a gifted artist and writer, so we drew and painted, wrote poems and
plays, and then acted them out. Our mother was a supremely talented musician,
so there was a lot of music and dancing happening in our home at all times. A
favorite memory is Mom sitting at the piano, hammering out the chords of her
favorite original tune called, “Dini wants pierced ears (and she’s not old
enough to get them)”. But we all agreed
that of the golden memories of our childhood, our favorite one, and the one that
brought the greatest comfort, is when we would hear Mom in a nearby room, harmonizing
with her John Denver records.
And Mom
was an entrepreneur, back when moms of the late 60’s and early 70’s weren’t
expected to be so brave. As soon as the four of us were school-age, Mom opened
a children’s consignment shop with her friend Dot Whitney and they called their
store the “Children’s Clothes Closet”. They ran a hugely popular and successful
business together, and we recall many stories of both wonderful and crazy
customers.
But as
kids it never felt like she was away from home, because she closed the store in
time to be in our kitchen to greet us after school each day. Every evening at
the supper table she asked, “What’s the Oldham School news today?” and would
listen intently to everything we had to say. In this way, she made us feel special
and gently guided us through the challenges of growing up. Only the question changed
over time, from, “What’s the Jr. High North news?” to “What’s the Norwood High
School news?” But she never, ever tired of listening.
Our mom
was a hit with our teenage friends because she extended that same interest and
care to them, welcoming them into our home - often a dozen or more at a time,
pretty much all day all summer long - and she became a second mom to many. Every so often she’d pile us all into
our family station wagon and drive us to the cottage on Lake Archer to swim and
ride around in Grampy’s catamaran boat. Our friends learned quickly that
it wasn’t just Chopin and John Denver she loved, but she was a rock ‘n roller, too,
an avid Led Zepplin fan, with an extensive collection of Zepplin, Aerosmith,
Guns and Roses and Metallica records. So she fit right in and we had the best
time together. It wasn’t until many years later that we picked up on the wisdom
of opening her home to all those kids - she always had one eye on what we were
up to. And she genuinely loved our friends.
It
probably goes without saying that Mom was our #1 fan at all of our band and
dance events. We remember her sitting in the audience, not so very discreetly,
with a humungous silver boombox to record our performances. When we graduated from high
school, Mom encouraged us to chase our dreams and be courageous in pursuing the
lives we really wanted, not a life that anyone else wanted for us.
By the
mid-80’s, Mom and Dot had closed the shop and Mom took over as the accountant
for Kerry’s dance studio. To this day, students and parents of the studio
continue to talk about her and how she touched their lives in a myriad of ways.
By now you’re probably not surprised to learn that Mom was wonderful with kids
of all ages, but she had a special place in her heart for teens, especially
those who were in trouble and needed guidance the most. Mom began volunteering
for an organization called Birthright, where she was a hotline counselor
for teenagers over several years. This led to her to her most cherished
vocation, foster parenting.
As a
foster mom, Shirley gave her love unconditionally and without judgment. She extended
the patient, compassionate love we grew up with to her foster children, mostly
teenage boys, who arrived at her door with everything they owned in a single
paper bag. These boys and girls often came from dire circumstances, and our
mother, the essence of a humanitarian, opened her door to provide them with a
safe place to live and someone to love and care for them. In retrospect, it is quite
remarkable that she had the courage and strength to do this, because by this
time our parents were divorced and Mom was on her own. Fred Cahill, who she loved dearly, was her very
first foster child; his picture has remained on her mantel to this day. She
loved each child that came to her with compassion and understanding, never
wavering when others may have questioned her judgment. Perhaps the greatest
testament to her commitment to fostering is Glenn Bastow, who lived with Mom
and our family long beyond his foster years. She gave him the experience of family
love that he never had. To see Glenn’s joy on Christmas morning is all we would
ever need to know that Mom did the right thing by becoming a foster parent. Mom
will be buried next to Glenn today.
The four
of us can tell you that knowing Mom only got better as we became adults. She
relished the birth of each grandchild, and they filled her heart as she watched
them grow. She loved whenever Tyler came to visit from Florida, and they were
pretty much inseparable until it was time for him to go back home. It’s really
important for you kids to know that Nana could not have been more proud of each
and every one of you. And she also adored our spouses; they were very
close to her heart. In fact, we had some good laughs over the past few weeks
watching Mom completely perk up whenever Danny, Paula or Dena walked in the
room and said, “Hey Shirl”.
We
continued to learn and laugh with our mother until her very last day with us.
Here are some really awesome things about her:
·
Mom
profoundly believed in living in the moment, cherishing the very moment
you are in. She found peace in this, and it became a motto that guided her life.
·
Mom
was intrigued by the natural world around her and saw beauty everywhere she
looked. It was actually kind of hard to go for a walk with Mom, because she
stopped so often to examine the distinct beauty of a fallen leaf, or marvel at
the age and texture of a piece of tree bark, or express her wonder at the
shapes and patterns of the clouds in the sky.
·
Mom
was an incredible optimist. She believed in the hope that the rising sun will always
bring. Her favorite piece of advice was that “Everything will look better in
the morning”. And about that, she was unfailingly right.
·
Mom
was a marvelous self-entertainer, because making time for happiness was a top priority
of hers every day. She loved to spend time with family, it was her everything,
it was what made her life full. She loved to laugh with us, be silly, and have
fun, because she wanted nothing more than for all of us to be happy, too. If Mom
saw something in a store that “made her happy” she bought it, or if she saw a
stone on the ground that “made her happy”, she picked it up. Of course the only
problem with this is she could also never throw anything that made her happy
away, so she’s got a lot of trinkets in her home. But there is no question
they have the desired effect - you can never stop smiling when you look at
them.
·
Mom
appreciated the simple blessings of her life. She was never a “grass is greener
in someone else’s yard” type of person. Whenever one of us drove with her through
town, Mom would look at the lights on the common and the majestic Town Hall and
say, “Is there any place prettier than Norwood?” Without pause, we would answer,
“No Mom, there really isn’t.”
·
Mom
loved her animals. She had a number of pets in her lifetime and they brought
her great joy, including her current, beloved cat, Mikey. And anyone who knew
Shirl at all knew of her tremendous love of horses. Every single birthday of
her life she blew out the candles with her eyes closed tight, wishing for a
horse of her own.
·
Mom
was the best back-scratcher in the universe, the master of twirling a cool damp
cloth to place on our foreheads when we weren’t feeling well.
·
She
cried easily, and it was a beautiful thing. Because it always came from a place
of compassion and empathy, the very best of her.
·
Mom
was ageless. She had a youthful presence about her all of her life that was
truly inspiring.
·
Mom
believed in God. In recent years she
said would always say, “If I go today, don’t be sad, I’ve had a good life”.
And she meant it. She said she looked forward to going to heaven, where she
imagined one has the ability to go anywhere you want in an instant, so she could
be with us, anywhere we might be. We would joke with her just please try
not to spook us. But what we were really thinking was, if there was
ever a person with whom God would be deeply, deeply pleased, it would be our
mom.
Mom would
want the final piece of her eulogy about her love for the four of us. No one
will ever love us as fiercely as our mother. She saw what was beautiful about
each of us and told us…every time she saw us.
Mom
relished even the tiniest joys of our daily lives, and she cried with us for
our every sorrow… she continued to smile with us, and comfort us, and
touch our faces, and hold our hands… until her very last moments on earth.
All of her
life, Mom loved picking out sentimental, meaningful gifts for us, something
that would represent a feeling or a memory that would last forever. In the end,
the ultimate gift she gave to us was herself. Her presence and inspiration will
always be among us, and we will carry the light of her within us forever.
We know,
as sure as we stand before her, Mom would want us to bask in the sunshine on
our shoulders, breathe in the sweetness of the day, appreciate the love of
those who are here with us, and smile and laugh through our tears. With this in
mind, we will close with the joyful words of her beloved John Denver:
Welcome to my morning
Welcome to my day
I'm the one responsible
I made it just this way
Welcome to my day
I'm the one responsible
I made it just this way
To make myself some pictures
See what they might bring
I think I made it perfectly
I wouldn't change a thing
See what they might bring
I think I made it perfectly
I wouldn't change a thing
Welcome to my happiness
You know it makes me smile
It pleases me to have you here
For just a little while
Welcome to my evening
The closing of the day
I could try a million times
And never find a better way
To tell you that I love you
With all the songs I play
Thank you for allowing me
Inside this lovely day
