Dear
Mom,
As
I’ve been looking around my house these past few days, I’m finding all kinds of
little gifts that you have given me over the years. And I’m positive there are more that I haven’t
even come across yet. I know it is your way of giving me those little gifts
again from you. It’s been so comforting…that
ring you gave me years ago that’s been sitting in my jewelry box alongside that
little wrapped present magnet with the poem…to the beautiful
owl on my cabinet in my bedroom that you colored for me for my birthday in all
my favorite pastels.
I
happened to look at my bookshelf yesterday and saw that book called “JOY” you
gave me…because when you saw it, you thought of me. Inside the cover you wrote “Dini,
one of the biggest Joys’ of my life”.
I’ve
been asking myself the past few days how I am going to handle today and tomorrow.
I’ve been reading my wonderful book by Louise
Hay every single day for over a year that is filled with beautiful daily
affirmations. And how funny...while sitting by
your bedside these last few weeks, I opened your nightstand drawer and inside
you too have a book of daily affirmations.
Like mother like daughter. Most
of the entries I have dog eared are about “thoughts”. About how we are in charge of our thoughts
and how a thought can be changed. It’s
something I’ve been working on daily. And how much do you want to bet…that was God
preparing me all this time for this very day…how to think and what to think
about today and tomorrow. Because I’m
writing this letter to you on your first Remembrance Day. (That’s what I’m
calling them by the way.) I’ve been
telling myself…and praying about it…that I want to be filled with JOY today and
tomorrow. I will be surrounded by those
who love and care about me but more importantly…those who love and care about
you. And you know what Mom? Today I woke
up with a slight grin…isn’t that crazy? The
very day I’ve been panicking about. Strangely
I feel almost calm. I know it’s going to
be OK. I know I will be OK. I will take it “one day at a time” as your favorite
motto says. You always surprised me at
how you could do hard things…and I can too.
You
always tell me what a good Mom I am…and I always tell you that I learned from
the best.
I
will miss our dinners at Friendly’s…I will miss our shopping trips to Pier One…I
will miss laughing with you until there are tears…I will miss hearing you say “my
Dineenie”…I will miss you telling me “shhhh…you’re my pretty one”…and saying
goodbye at your back door...and you telling me you love me. That is just seven of a million things I will
miss.
Nothing
will separate us Mom. Nothing. Ever. We
will always be connected. I told you that
in your last hours and I hope you heard me.
I picture it as an invisible cord…just like the umbilical cord that
connected me to you…we will always be connected and together. Always.
On
the first page of the book of JOY you gave me it opens with “prepare for joy”.
And
the book ends with this…
“Some
people are so much sunshine to the square inch.
Be joy”
And
that describes you perfectly. You will
always be MY JOY.
I
will love and miss you all the days of my life.
I
love you my beautiful Mama.
